Won't Fall Asleep At Sleep Times - Plays, Cries, Or Does Both

Here are some possible reasons why your child may not fall asleep at sleep times. Keep in mind that it is normal for many children, especially older children, to take 15 or so minutes to fall asleep:
  • Your child is not tired enough. This usually results in playing. Often young babies will play for 30 minutes or so before going to bed if they are not quite tired enough. My son Joshua would play for 2 hours (yep, his entire nap) if I ever put him to bed too soon--you have to figure out what your own child does. Some children, like Joshua, will play for quite a while before falling asleep and then get overtired and wake early (see the too long in bed problem)
    • If your child was really sleepy during a feed then he may not be ready to settle for a nap at the usual time (more likely under 4 months of age).
    • Your child may need an increase in waketime before his nap so he is more tired. You do reach a point where an increase in wake time will no longer work because it pushes other naps or bedtime too late. When this happens, it may be time to either shorten a nap or drop one.
    • Your child may be getting too much sleep at other times (other naps or during the night) and is consequently unable to sleep at this time since he is not quite tired enough to fall asleep (although he very likely will be tired enough to misbehave and act cranky). This situation commonly happens with the afternoon nap when the morning nap is too long.
    • A common thing for babies to do when they are not tired enough (although this isn't always the reason) is to lie in bed for 15-30 minutes and then start crying. Parents often think their child has been asleep the whole time and is waking from pain etc when it is not the case.

  • Your child is under stimulated. Young babies get stimulated very easily (even looking at a wall is stimulating for a newborn) and so under stimulation is not usually a problem. As children get older they need more stimulation and physical activity to wear them out. If your active baby gets no stimulation during his waketime (e.g. he is in a car seat during his entire waketime) then he may not be tired enough to take his nap at the usual time.

  • Your child may be overtired and/or overstimulated. A child that is overtired is more likely to cry before a nap and will cry longer than usual if he normally cries before a nap. But this is not always the case. For example, my son will play whether he is under or overtired. This of course makes problem solving even more tricky!
    • Have you recently dropped a nap and not made a future nap period a little earlier?
    • Your child may simply need an earlier nap time with less waketime before the nap.
  • Your child may be hungry. Always rule out hunger before considering something a sleep problem. Your child may be in a growth spurt or may not have eaten as much as normal during his last feed (e.g. he was too sleepy to eat, he didn't feel well).
  • Your child has a disrupted sleep routine. A disrupted routine could include something that happened the current day or the even the night or day before. While some children don't mind a few disruptions, other children are very affected by them.
  • Your child has an inconsistent or nonexistent sleep routine. A child that has an inconsistent or nonexistent routine does not have consistent internal rhythms to help him know when he should be sleeping and for how long. See Why have a schedule/routine?
  • Your child may be uncomfortable
    • Is his clothing itchy?
    • Does he have eczema? Talk to your doctor about getting something to help if lotion doesn't fix the problem.
    • Is his mattress uncomfortable? I suggest buying the best mattress you can afford and preferably a hypoallergenic one. If you are using a pack 'n play as a crib you can buy padded sheets and even put additional blankets for padding under the sheets (make sure it is SAFE).
    • Is he too hot or too cold? See Getting the Right Temperature.
    • Is he in pain? **Does your young baby have gas or is an older child teething? **Is baby sick? **Does your child have acid reflux? **I've noticed that some things that don't bother my son too much when he's awake (like teething) will be a bit more bothersome when he is trying to sleep since he doesn't have other things to take his mind off of the pain. You can all probably relate with this when you're trying to go to sleep and you notice your sore neck or back for the first time.
    • Does he have a wet diaper? Some children are more sensitive than others and do better with diapers that are extra absorptive like huggies supreme. These unfortunately usually cost more. I would first try the next size up to see if this works.
    • Does he have a dirty diaper? If he has a dirty diaper you obviously need to change it. Keeping with a eat/activity/sleep routine usually helps reduce dirty diapers during sleep times. For more on this see my post on poop and sleep (yes, there really is a post on that!)
    • Is his tummy upset from something in mom's diet if she is breastfeeding or new solid foods that have been introduced? If your baby is formula fed he may be constipated (uncommon with breastfeeding).
  • Your child may be going through a phase. You probably don't like this answer but sometimes this is what is going on and you just have to wait it out
  • Your child may need extra time to unwind before falling asleep. You MIGHT be able to help your child unwind by having an extra long soothing period or 15-30 minutes of calm activities before bed. This might not help since some kids seem to need extra time to themselves to unwind before dropping off to sleep. If your child always takes X amount of time to fall asleep no matter what time he is put down then you may want to put your child down earlier to sleep if you are always having to wake him up from his naps (and he seems to need more sleep at this time) or first thing in the morning.
  • Your child is learning a new skill. Children practice new skills (even when they can't quite do the skills yet) before they fall asleep and even in their sleep. Obviously if you're trying to crawl or walk when you should be sleeping it can cause some disruptions :)
  • Your child may have separation anxiety.
  • Your child does not know how to go to sleep by himself due to accidental parenting or inappropriate sleep props/associations. That's ok. It happens to the best of us and is a little hard to prevent when you have a very fussy newborn. See Sleep Training in the blog index for ideas on how to get your baby to sleep better (this can be used for babies of any age depending on what method you are using and what your personal preferences are).

15 comments:

  1. Rachel commented on Won\'t Fall Asleep At Sleep Times - Plays, Cries, Or Does Both - My Baby Sleep Guide:

    Hi Rachel. My 4.5 month old was going down to naps and bed with no problem. We've been doing drowsy but awake for months now. All of the sudden he is now crying immediately when we put him down in his crib and continues to cry. Most times now, we have to rock him to almost asleep before he will go down. He was sleeping swaddled with one arm out, but now he seems to be going to sleep more quickly fully swaddled. Once he goes to sleep, he is still taking good naps and sleeping through the night. I don't want to start new habits like rocking him to sleep, but I am also not comfortable with CIO. We have a nap time routine and a bed time routine. He doesn't give sleep cues anymore until he is too tired, so I mainly go by time. I usually try to get him down after 1 1/2 hours of wake time. He is taking four naps a day (the last nap is usually short) and we are putting him to bed around 8. Do you think this is a phase or do we need to change things up? I& #039;d really appreciate any advice you can give. Thanks, Rachel.

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    1. Sorry to not see this earlier, your comment got lost somehow and I just now found it.

      Well, it sounds like new habits have already been created and he likely isn't going to suddenly start going to sleep on his own--it will take a lot of work. I'm not sure how long this has been going on, but if it's been going on more than a few days, certainly more than several days, then you'll likely need to do some sort of sleep training to get sleep back to normal. This is a common time for babies to have issues and how you respond can cause sleep to direct in very different paths. If you aren't for cio, then are other options depending on whether you want no crying (which may not be possible) and whether you are ok with some crying in your presence. This post goes over some:
      http://www.mybabysleepguide.com/2013/04/sleep-books-by-sleep-training-method.html

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  2. Abby commented on Won\'t Fall Asleep At Sleep Times - Plays, Cries, Or Does Both - My Baby Sleep Guide:

    What is the best solution when putting a baby down too early (under tired)? My baby will lay quietly and fall in and out of sleep, but I wondered if there is a good way to solve the problem. I am finding that putting her down under tired as we are trying to determine the best wake times is better than overtired. But do I just leave herbtomeventually fall asleep or go get her up to play until she is more ready to sleep, or go soothe her even though she isn't crying?

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    1. Abby,
      I'm not sure how old your little one is, but I'm guessing she is younger if she falls asleep better if put down early rather than too late. And I think we've talked before. What I would do is keep a sleep log. Put her down and see how easily she falls asleep and record that. If it takes a while then put her down a bit later (5-10 minutes) the next day at that nap time. Keep in mind that it is normal for it to take a little while for kids to fall asleep, especially as they get older. If she sits and babbles to herself for 10 minutes before dozing off, I'd guess that isn't an issue at all.

      Good luck!

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  3. Amy commented on Won\'t Fall Asleep At Sleep Times - Plays, Cries, Or Does Both - My Baby Sleep Guide:

    Hi there,
    I am so glad I found your blog.. I have been reading through it and have found some great advice already. Thank you.

    My question is pertaining to daytime napping for my (first child) 12 week old. We just went through Christmas with lots of house guests and being sick for a few weeks so we haven't been on a schedule for pretty much Dec (not good I know!). We decided to start right away in January after everyone left and we could spend more time to establishing a routine.

    My lil one will not nap at all during the day! I know she is overtired. So I have been trying to follow your sleep suggestions for the past couple of days. So far I have managed to get her first nap working again (yeah!).. after that, no luck. However, her nap isn't going the full 1.5 hours yet... maybe 45min.

    So my questions are..

    1) If I have her up at 7am and napping at 8:30am then up again at 10am, napping at 11:30am.. what do I do if she wakes up from her nap early say 30-45min in.. do I keep her in bed (talking, bubbling, crying, quiet?) until the end of her scheduled nap (ex: 10am) or take her out and start the 1.5hr wake routine from that point and put her down earlier than her 11:30am scheduled nap or do I push her wake time to keep her awake until 11:30 to start the nap routine over again/move her nap time up 15min to say 11:15am..

    2) Second part to this... what do I do if she wont go down for a nap.. perhaps I have waited too long.. and she continues to cry no matter what I try. What process would you follow from putting her down through to her wake time and next nap time. Do I leave her there to cry (I don't believe in CIO but I will let her stir for a bit if needed), do I pat and shush, pick up etc.. what happens if I just can't sooth her. How long do I go before giving up on that nap and removing her from her bed to start over.. then when do I start the next nap?

    Hope this makes sense? Thanks for your advice!
    Amy

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    1. Amy, my answers are after the question. they won't bold for some reason.
      1) If I have her up at 7am and napping at 8:30am then up again at 10am, napping at 11:30am.. what do I do if she wakes up from her nap early say 30-45min in.. do I keep her in bed (talking, bubbling, crying, quiet?) until the end of her scheduled nap (ex: 10am) or take her out and start the 1.5hr wake routine from that point and put her down earlier than her 11:30am scheduled nap or do I push her wake time to keep her awake until 11:30 to start the nap routine over again/move her nap time up 15min to say 11:15am.. I talk about this scenario here: http://www.mybabysleepguide.com/2009/02/how-to-extend-short-nap.html Mainly I suggest trying to extend the nap and if that doesn't work, either leave her for the nap duration or get her up and go from there with shorter waketimes and more naps during the day. Around 5/6 months, you might want to try doing more of a set nap time, even with short naps, to see if it helps her out.

      2) Second part to this... what do I do if she wont go down for a nap.. perhaps I have waited too long.. and she continues to cry no matter what I try. What process would you follow from putting her down through to her wake time and next nap time. Do I leave her there to cry (I don't believe in CIO but I will let her stir for a bit if needed), do I pat and shush, pick up etc.. what happens if I just can't sooth her. How long do I go before giving up on that nap and removing her from her bed to start over.. then when do I start the next nap? At this age, I'd work on the nap for around 15 minutes then help her get the sleep she needs. It sounds like her sleep is getting progressively worse the worse her naps get so you need to get her napping again then start working on independent sleep more. I can't really tell you how you should go about it bc it's a personal decisions, but some ideas are to stay and shush her or do something like this for the first bit of her nap. You could even try this for all her nap for a few days (for 1-1.5 hours a nap) and see if you're getting some success. If not, I'd work on ensuring she gets more sleep in any means possible after that initial try, although I'd try to include as little sleep props as you can.

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  4. Antonia commented on Won\'t Fall Asleep At Sleep Times - Plays, Cries, Or Does Both - My Baby Sleep Guide:

    Hi Rachel, greetings from New Zealand. I recently stumbled on your blog and like the other mums dealing with sleep issues, think it's great. I'm not sure where to ask this question, but here it is. My baby (15 weeks) is a cat napper, and while I try to extend her naps I'm almost never successful. Instead she has more short sleeps, usually around 4 a day. As a consequence, it gets harder and harder for her to settle herself for naps and sleeps as the day goes on, and by bedtime, it's really difficult and sometimes impossible.

    Do you have any tips for settling an overtired baby? Should I persist with, or diverge from, the sleep training methods (I'm attracted to gentle CIO, with checks and soothing every few minutes) when baby is overtired? I ask because she can get into a real lather and it seems impossible that she will be able to settle herself when she's like that, and rather than soothing herself to sleep, she'll be crying herself into exhaustion. At the moment, I'm giving her more help to sleep at night than I have to with the day sleeps - this might include stroking her head, sshing, shaking her moses basket until she settles, and if that doesn't work, picking her up until she calms down and then putting her back in bed - basically anything I can to stop her crying.

    Sorry for the stream of consciousness rambling! Any advice you have would be very much appreciated. I love my little girl and don't want her to be distressed, but I also understand the importance of teaching her how to go to sleep by herself. Many thanks
    Antonia

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  5. Sharon commented on Won\'t Fall Asleep At Sleep Times - Plays, Cries, Or Does Both - My Baby Sleep Guide:

    Hi Rachel, I've posted on your site before and your advise has always been great, so thanks! The fantastic news from my side is that at 21 months my little girl is FINALLY sleeping through the night all of her own accord! 11 - 12 hrs straight most of the time now! Bliss! However....she's now not falling asleep at bedtime! Previously, she was going to bed at 6.30 / 7pm and was straight asleep, then she got so she wasn't really so tired at that time and so we moved bedtime back 30 mins and that worked great for a while. Now, we put her to bed at 7 - 7:30 and she sings songs for 30 mins, then poops, we change her, she sings more songs, and finally goes quiet at 8:30 - 9am. She usually wakes around 7:30 - which is fine for us, but sometimes she'll wake at 6:30 and need her nap a little earlier (nap time is 1 - 3). My question is.....should we persevere with putting her to bed at 7 - 7:30, or should we just let her stay up a bit later? I'd be quite happy with a routine of 7:30 am wake, 1 - 3 nap, 8:30pm bedtime...but don't want to go there if it's actually going to be counter productive to her - I'm just happy she's finally sleeping through! Thanks, Sharon.

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  6. Hi Rebecca,

    Thanks for the tips. Please advise on ways to increase the length of my 7-mo-old's naps. She wakes up between 5:00-6:00am, nurses and then falls asleep in my bed approximately 2 hrs later. She usually sleeps for nearly 2 hrs. The rest of the day her naps are all a little bit of a mess. I watch her and when I notice tired signs (e.g., rubbing eyes) which usually occurs 2-2 1/2 hrs after she's been awake I follow a short naptime routine and put her in her crib. The problem is she'll sleep for only 30 minutes and usually cry a bit beforehand. Because I have other children, a second 30-min nap is difficult because we have to pick them up from school. The result is a cranky baby starting 2-3 hrs after the 30-minute nap. I've tried just doing the 2-hr AM nap and extending wake up time to 3 hrs before attempting a longer nap around 12:30 or 1:00ish but she fights that as well and only sleeps 30 min. I end up starting nighttime nursing around 5:30ish (she eats and comfort nurses for close to an hour), put in her crib drowsy but usually awake and she sleeps through the night. In total she probably gets 14 hrs of sleep a day which I know is good, but I can't help but feel she is being cheated of good, restorative sleep during the day, plus see the effects late in the day of the missed naps.

    Please advise. Any help you can give would be greatly appreciated :)

    Stephanie

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  7. Omg can't believe I put the wrong name! Please forgive me, Rachel!!

    - Stephanie

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  8. Hello! My little guy is almost 5 months and has been doing great sleeping at night. He has a consistent bedtime routine followed by 10-12 hours of uninterrupted sleep. Sometimes we have a night waking as he is cutting teeth, but I would consider him'sleeping through the night.' I put him down awake and drowsy at bedtime and he falls asleep indepently.
    Our naps tend to be predictable though problematic at times. He is not a chronic short napper but he does have a cycle at 32 minutes that I can't seem to teach him to get through on his own. He has a maximum of 2 hours awake time (usually 1.5 hours unless it is the last awake time of the day) and falls asleep easily. But, like clockwork he cycles and wakes up playful and happy. I have been assisting him back to sleep by catching him right as he wakes and holding him until he falls asleep again. Then he will usually sleep for another 1.5 - 2 hours unassisted. So, my question is how long should I expect this to continue? I would obviously prefer that he learns to cycle on his own but I'm not sure how much longer I should persist in my method to help him back to sleep. At what age does this become a more permanent problem? Thank you for any tips!
    Morgan

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  9. Hello! My little guy is almost 5 months and has been doing great sleeping at night. He has a consistent bedtime routine followed by 10-12 hours of uninterrupted sleep. Sometimes we have a night waking as he is cutting teeth, but I would consider him'sleeping through the night.' I put him down awake and drowsy at bedtime and he falls asleep indepently.
    Our naps tend to be predictable though problematic at times. He is not a chronic short napper but he does have a cycle at 32 minutes that I can't seem to teach him to get through on his own. He has a maximum of 2 hours awake time (usually 1.5 hours unless it is the last awake time of the day) and falls asleep easily. But, like clockwork he cycles and wakes up playful and happy. I have been assisting him back to sleep by catching him right as he wakes and holding him until he falls asleep again. Then he will usually sleep for another 1.5 - 2 hours unassisted. So, my question is how long should I expect this to continue? I would obviously prefer that he learns to cycle on his own but I'm not sure how much longer I should persist in my method to help him back to sleep. At what age does this become a more permanent problem? Thank you for any tips!
    Morgan

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  10. I'm sure like most people I found your site while sitting in the dark soothing my chronic shoet napper. She's up after 40 minutes like clockwork and is often unhappy so I know she isn't getting the sleep she needs/wants. She's 11 weeks and is usually awake for about 1 hr 15 mins to 90 minutes, I try to follow her lead on it. What I can't figure out is if she's overtired and that's causing the shirt naps or if she's just a short napper. I can sometimes soother her back to sleep, other times no. And she does well at night, I can watch her go thru a sleep transition 40 minutes after I put her down for the night (eyes open, moves around and then settles again). So just not sure if I should keep trying to soothe her into longer naps, out her down earlier or what. I currently have her on a 4 naps a day schedule, ideally 90 minutes per.

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    1. Forgot, her last nap is supposed to be a cat nap, 45 instead of 90.

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    2. Which she obviously does great at most of the time.

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